I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
