Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
