I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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