I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
