Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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