Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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