Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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