They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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