i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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