I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
