My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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