What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
