Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
