He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
