I am midnight drunk by noon
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
