If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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