I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Randomize
