we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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