I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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