Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
