More tranny stories later!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
