What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
