It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
