Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
