I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Porn is love you can see.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
