apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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