I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Be still, my beating vagina.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
