So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
