Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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