My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
