i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
