time to smoke my breakfast
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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