im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
