I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
