i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
