Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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