I love black thongs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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