She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The best revenge is premature balding
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
