My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
