Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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