Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
