He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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