In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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