That's intense
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
