glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
