I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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