Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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