I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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