He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
