I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
