imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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