i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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