I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize