My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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