I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
