I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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