We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
