dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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