I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
