Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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