I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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