I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
