the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He has the fingertips of a God
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