The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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