Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
