Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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