i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
