i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize