He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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